on death

You'd think you'd get used to death. We look at cadavers, talk about death and all the possible causes of death. Each illness has its complications and many lead to death. Mortality rates of different countries are discussed, which cancer has a higher mortality, which disease has a lower mortality in which population...and so forth.

I think it is possible to get used to nakedness (though that topic also starts out awkwardly). You see so many pictures (and live examples) of nakedness that it starts becoming pretty normal.

But no. It doesn't matter how many cadavers or statistics get flashed at you. You never get used to death.

the trouble with blue eyes is....

The trouble with blue eyes is the amount of attention you get in a predominantly brown-eyed country. Seriously. I've had flattering comments for sure, or the occasional too-familiar-stare. The most bizarre comment was a stunned, "Oh, your eye-color is natural, isn't it?"

Yesterday I again went to visit our hospital with a classmate. This time there was actual work taking place. Some people were setting up offices, others computers. The majority of the place was still empty or in disarray, but there is still hope to actually starting.

So I went to the hospital and my blue eyes apparently attracted attention again. The security guard stares long and hard at me, "This must be your first time here" (because I guess he would have remembered me if he had seen me before?).

Once Nev (the classmate who was with me) and I passed him I asked her if it was just my imagination or was he a little to eager? She agreed, he was weird.


Blah. This is a great start to the school year.

SNOW DAY!!!

The moment I got the text message I felt glee.

God bless him, our class prez this year instituted a text messaging system to alert the class to schedule changes or things of that nature (since our university can't seem to get its act together in the world of technology).
 
I've been waiting all summer for classes to start, impatiently so. And yet, when I got the text an hour ago that the first day of classes has been delayed by 1 week, my heart couldn't help but leap for joy.

I guess it's something about that childhood glory of waking up to snow-covered rooftops and realizing,  No School Today!

Course that means our classes will extend all the way to the end of June.... but for now, who cares?

I have 5 snow days ahead :-D

brand-spankin' new!

So new in fact that there are no patients, no doctors, barely even furniture!

Today I visited our new hospital. It was beautiful, complete with sinks in the hallways for easy hand-washing (though I didn't see any soap dispensers). American-style elevators, sliding glass doors, everything new and shiny. This is what most of the rooms look like (courtesy of a classmate):

I'm so excited to be out of that old dingy hospital that was there before! Buuuuttt.....without patients, doctors, or furniture, how on earth are we going to start classes on Monday? The rumor is that the first month or two will be "a lie," (i.e. we won't have legit classes). I'll be interested to see how this pans out....

But it is exciting to be in such a brand new hospital!

a little too acclimated...

The funny thing about living in a different culture is the effort to become acclimated. One always seems to be trying to "fit in," and worrying about whether everyone else knows you're a "foreigner." But is there a point at which you become a little too acclimated?

Last week a friend of mine visited, and we spent some time catching up and seeing a few sites. One mode of transportation here is ferry boat. We had limited time, and half the fun of this city is being on the ferry. So I suggested we get on the ferry and instead of getting off at the last stop, stay on and make the whole thing a round-trip, getting off at our original location. 

It seemed simple enough.

So the ferry arrives at its destination (before it would turn back and bring us home) and as it happens some man comes around and starts kicking stragglers off the ferry. No big deal, we could get off and get on again after paying the $1 it costs to ride. But instead, I start yelling at the guy (ok, so maybe not quite yelling, but talking loudly anyway) about how we got on the wrong boat and we need to go back to the other side. He keeps saying we have to get off and I keep saying that we need to stay. Finally we give in and get on a different ferry.

On the surface I suppose this isn't really a big deal. So I told a little white lie. The thing is, I've always been a bit of a "goody-two-shoes." Not so much that other people felt judged (I hope), but I never lie. Let me put it this way -- I was the kid who asked her dad for a spanking because she had lied about turning off the bathroom lights while her sister was using the toilet. (I felt much better after the spanking.)

And there we have it. I lied. The worst part is, it mostly bothered me because my friend was with me and saw it happen!  Oh dear. 

But how is this being "too acclimated," you say? Well, I think maybe all my classmates cheating and such is making me just a little too OK with dishonesty. On the upside, now that I've realized it hopefully I can do something about it before it gets out of hand! 


Forgive me?

drum roll please....

It's true, I passed!

Seeing as I found out a couple of months ago, it seems a bit anti-climactic at this point. Buuuttt....still exciting.

I happened to find out at Niagara Falls. My friend B and I had just arrived when I received a phone call that our results were posted. Our exam results get posted on a bulletin board, exposed for the whole world to see. Since most of the class disperses after finals, those who remain in the city typically take photos of the posted grades and email the whole class. I was waiting to receive such an email.

So B and I arrive at Niagara, excited about seeing the falls and also about my potential passing (or failing) grade. My parents (who were keeping an eye on my email) call just as we arrive, and through much static and bad reception they read off the grade listed next to what they *think* is my ID number.

"No Mom, that's not my ID number!!"

     "But these are the only grades listed...."

"Mom, check again, my ID number is ______"

      "I don't see that number listed anywhere...."

"Are you sure??"

      "Yes."

We hang up and I start freaking out. The school lost my exam. There is no other explanation for my student ID number not being listed! Now remember, this is the university that would not accept typed lab reports, they had to be hand written. As you can imagine, that also means that speaking with them on the phone about a missing exam was probably not going to cut it.

Thankfully, God gave us brains. As my mom had listed off the ID numbers over the phone, I realized that it wasn't just my number that was missing. The numbers immediately surrounding my number were also missing. Thanks to Facebook, my mom got in touch with one of the girls who I knew had an ID number close to mine. As it happened, this friend's grade was also missing. She went to the student office and asked what was going on, and it turned out that the office had simply forgotten to post the last page of scores.

So yes, I did pass, and I found out at Niagara Falls. Never a dull moment around here!

coffee count:

coffee: 3 cups (1 caffeinated, 2 decaf)
tea: 0 cups
diet coke: 1 can

summer fun

*phew!* It's been a while since I've written. I really have no idea where to start, but if I don't get back into writing then it will never happen.

The trouble with busting your butt all year studying is that when summer rolls around, NOT studying feels very strange indeed! Of course I have high hopes of getting some studying done during the next 6 weeks of no class, but really, I'm kind of sick of summer and would like to learn some things again.

My solution: do all the things I never have time for during the year!

Great idea, right?

Except it's funny how all those things you wanted to do kind of fade away when you actually have the time to do them. . .

So, my summer fun list includes the following:
- visiting museums (famous ones that I never see and don't like visiting with other people because, frankly, I want to read all the signposts at my own pace, thank you very much!)
- learning to bake a really good pie (mission accomplished!)
- taking that pie baking skill and making it even better
- not gaining weight from all those pies I'm going to have to make....
- organize my room. something I've been meaning to do since I moved in over a year ago! but you know...there was all that studying!
- read books including works by C.S. Lewis and Victor Hugo (they happened to be the ones I had)
- work on my Arabic (a language I started studying during undergrad)

On the museum front I have been partially successful. Visited the latest Body Worlds exhibit today, and wowza. It was awesome! Highly reccomend it. As for the rest....those things are happening little by little. But maybe just a little bit more lazing around? I do deserve it for passing all my classes....

:-)

a guilty conscience

Every year we have one major research project. This is a project we supposedly work on all year, gathering data and analyzing it till the big Presentation Day. The thing is, most times some of your results get fudged. Usually professors require a certain number of patients to be surveyed, and that number is usually near-impossible to attain. So some survey results are doubled, or female patients are counted as male, or a missing question gets filled in by hand...You get the picture.

I hate it that we "fudge numbers." But there is a sense of fear that our professor won't find our work as acceptable because we didn't meet his or her expectations. (But seriously, was it my fault that finals happened to be right around when you wanted me to gather data? and was it my fault that you weren't in your office in the few breaks we get from class? and have you any clue how many other classes I missed so we could work on this project, for a grade that hardly seems worth it?)

Anyway, sometimes it's impossible to complete the task without fudging something.

The question is, what do you do when your professor wants to make your "research" more public? what happens when suddenly your research isn't just a school project? Thank God our research wasn't about life-or-death issues (sort of). And in our report we did admit that much more research would have to be done to prove anything.

Sure makes me wonder how much research out there is actually legit.

stone age university

What could make a university classify as "stone age" you say?

It all started when we had to write Biochemistry lab reports. These are always fun. Everyone leaves them till the last minute when someone brings to school a copy of what someone wrote the previous year. No one knows for sure what is required of us in these reports, whereas in my college days we were specifically told how lab reports were to be written. This time we had about 10 classmates sitting together trying to figure out what data was valid and what was not (most of the data was made up anyway). I decided I wasn't going to get anywhere with the group and went to the computer lab to type up my report on my own.

I discover that the printer in the lab is out of ink when I'm just about done. No, there's no more ink to refill the empty cartridges.

I go downstairs and print the report from the school photocopy center (a key location on our campus). Success.

I turn in my report, though there's a sneaking suspicion that I've done something incorrectly.

The next day another girl in my class tells me when she turned in her report she was informed that typed reports were not permitted. Yup, it's true. In this year of 2010 a typed lab report will give you a zero. They must be written by hand.

the importance of spelling

About a year ago we were studying various infectious diseases. My professor's powerpoint kept mentioning the various dangers of "plaque" and I for the life of me couldn't figure out what was so important or dangerous!

For heaven's sakes, are we in Dental School here?! Plaque is important, but sheesh, these people are obsessed about their teeth!

Shouldn't teeth fit into the gastrointestinal system somehow, and not infectious diseases?

How can plaque kill you?! That seems a bit far-fetched to me! That would have to be some pretty extensive plaque!

Oh....I think she means plague.

Remember that there are beautiful sunsets, even here.

coffee count:

coffee: 0 cups
tea: 0 cups
diet coke: 0 cups

Food poisoning will do that to you.

on cheating

The concept of "cheating" in this country is an interesting one. Most of my friends wouldn't think twice if given the opportunity to cheat. Even the best students, if stumped by a question during an exam, will try and ask their neighbor for the answer without getting caught. Sometimes the situation is laughable (afterall, what exactly is the point of being tested if we're just going to cheat on an exam?). Other times I have complete sympathy (how can you possibly be expected to know what a lab specimen looks like if you've never even seen it before!).

But no, no matter what the circumstances I myself do not agree with cheating. Perhaps it's my western upbringing, I'm not certain. But while 90% of my class wouldn't be plagued with a guilty conscience for cheating, I would be. And yet, in our last exam I was the one person accused of cheating.

It was my own stupidity really. I have a habit of writing notes on my hands throughout the day and of course I managed to forget to wash one off before the exam. Plus the fact that the note was about exam stuff (there were some things I needed to ask about before actually entering the exam) did not help my situation. And yet it seems that my professors believed in my innocence or just had sympathy for me. I suppose whatever damage was to be done by the accusation was done during the examination itself -- who can focus on a test after being called out for something like that? I sure had trouble.

In any event I still managed to pass this last test. It seems that I have finally figured out how to pass these exams.....but I would like to do better than "just pass." Somehow I must discover how to actually do well. And as far as that goes, I'm kind of at a loss.

study food

Bic Mac + French Fries + Chocolate Milkshake = the best study food combo

Yummmmm!

thus it begins: finals period

That's right, it's more finals! I have one week, but with the "crazy" snow and classes being canceled, our study period was filled with classes! Not sure how that's going to play out, but I'm going to try and do my best to study as much as I can.

I definitely don't feel like I know this stuff yet....but with the help of some websites a friend sent me, I do slowly feel like I'm understanding things better. Now if only I could remember the details!

I discovered Grooveshark recently, so attached you will find my fun "pump-it-up" motivational music. Yes, most songs seem to be break-up songs, but what can I say? I find them motivational I guess :-) Not sure how to figure out how to make things fit in the layout here....so pardon the lack of symmetry, but I am trying!

Also, who thought that the brain was so complicated? I mean obviously it is. But seriously, I never would have guessed that all those lines have NAMES! *phew* I do have to admit that I find the cranial nerves quite fun. Not sure why....but something about being able to picture where they go and what they do is encouraging.

Off to study. And oh yeah, coffee count is steadily increasing now that a Starbucks was just opened right near my house!

coffee count:

coffee: 4 cups
tea: 1 cup (small)
diet coke: 1 can


oh brother.

practice makes perfect ?

Funny how practicing on a mannequin is COMPLETELY different from the real thing. I drew blood from a "patient" for the first time this week (except my "patient" was a fellow student who also wanted to practice). I missed the artery the first time, got it down by the third.

It looks so easy. Sit. Point. Insert needle. Draw back.

But the thought that this is the first time....what if it hurts her? What if it hurts me when it's my turn? What if I insert too far, or do something stupid like forget to undo the tourniquet before pulling out the needle? (yeah...very nearly did)

And that was just an easy little thing! What happens when it comes to giving that first intramuscular injection (don't hit that sciatic!), or making the cut the first time in surgery? Scary.

Maybe practicing medicine is like practicing music. You never have a 100% chance of hitting the right note, but the more you practice the more likely you are to hit the note you want. And the more you practice the more refined and beautiful the music sounds.

One thing's for sure -- you never forget the first time.

how i feel about the brain:

It's all "Greek" to me....(Greek, Chinese, whatever....)





(thanks to wikimedia commons, http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Brain_diagram_ja.svg)

on motivation

It's interesting what motivates us. For me, I always seem to be the most motivated when I'm in "prove them wrong" mode. When someone tells me I can't do something I kick into gear and decide I better "prove them wrong."

This has proved handy in the past. Six months ago when a friend told me I lacked "motivation and drive" in life I decided it was time to show who was motivated and who was un-motivated. I did just that, got my butt in gear and did my absolute best.

The trouble is, this type of motivation has its limits. You can't forever go on steam that comes from proving people wrong! Not only is it exhausting in and of itself, it can also eventually turn into bitterness.

Currently I'm at the transition point -- I no longer need to prove myself to that friend, but I do need new motivation. You'd think that medical students would be motivated for the sake of the medicine....I wonder if that really is true? Am I the only one who needs outside motivation? Maybe that is the sign of a good doctor -- being passionate about the science of medicine itself. Or maybe that's just the sign of a geek? Can you be a doctor and not be motivated about the medicine itself?

The point is, when you're feeling unmotivated, how do you bring yourself to become motivated?

Just full of questions today I guess...

What do you call a doctor who is last in his class in medschool?

Someone once asked, "what do you a call a doctor who was last in his class in medschool?" The answer of course is, "still a doctor."

No one wants to be THAT doctor, the one who just barely passes. But sometimes when you've worked really hard and are right on the edge of passing, you'd rather pass and get it over with than fail and have to re-take a class.

0.05% is the difference for me. My last final I failed by that much. there's a chance my professor will take pity on me and round up, but you never know for sure. The question I'm stuck with is, do I WANT him to round up? Failing by that much still means I failed. Could that make the difference between someone's life or death someday? If so I'd rather fail and re-take the class. And yet, does someone who got 0.05% more than me really know that much more than me? Do they deserve to pass?

I guess in the end it's kind of arbitrary.